The Seminary Wife

Just navigating the journey of this season and blogging as we go…

There Is March 27, 2010

Filed under: Uncategorized — eguthaus @ 3:46 pm

Walking into the memorial service yesterday for my husband’s grandma, GG (two g’s to my kiddos), at a very traditional Episcopal church it took a moment to register what the organist was playing.  Could that really be “Turn, turn, turn”…on an organ?  In this church?  At a memorial service for an 87 year old woman?  She was incredibly hip with all her emailing and independence and all, but really?  I was a little lost in the moment!  But then as I was swiffering the floor and chatting with God today (this is a regular and normal experience around here!) it hit me:  I was to hear that song in that moment because it wasn’t about the song at all.  It was, however very much about the lyrical content and the thought train that it would take me on.  The train goes something like this…

Coming to seminary produced a lot of change for our family.  The swiffering moment today got me thinking about all that change and how I feel about it.  Backing up, thinking about all the change was actually sparked by finding out, today, that even more of our friends, are going to be gone for the summer to have cool ministry experiences.  While it’s really exciting, I was sad.  Sad and seeking understanding in my chat with God.  Why did He bring me to a place where He has surrounded us by people who ‘get’ this life that we’ve been called to, pressed upon my heart the need and desire He has for me to stop being so darn guarded all the time and make real friends (not just befriend people who are part of a season, this season) only to take them away at a point where we would all really have the time to invest with one another.  PHOOEY ON THAT  I say!  But then I start thinking about that organ

“to everything (turn, turn, turn) there is a season (turn, turn, turn)”

which got me thinking about this

Ecclesiastes 3

A Time for Everything

1 There is a time for everything,
and a season for every activity under heaven:

2 a time to be born and a time to die,
a time to plant and a time to uproot,

3 a time to kill and a time to heal,
a time to tear down and a time to build,

4 a time to weep and a time to laugh,
a time to mourn and a time to dance,

5 a time to scatter stones and a time to gather them,
a time to embrace and a time to refrain,

6 a time to search and a time to give up,
a time to keep and a time to throw away,

7 a time to tear and a time to mend,
a time to be silent and a time to speak,

8 a time to love and a time to hate,
a time for war and a time for peace.

Ahh, THE Book of truth.  Of course I would be led to a tiny piece of truth to kind of tie it all together.  I think what He was getting at is that, as always, I’m not supposed to be seeking understanding even if understanding is what brings comfort to our human nature.  I’m just supposed to trust that, yes, there is a reason for everything in every season—now just may not be the season for Him to give me the reason.

 

Lukewarm Spit March 11, 2010

Filed under: Uncategorized — eguthaus @ 9:27 pm
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Isn’t that an appetizing thought with which to start off a new blog???!?!?!  The thought of lukewarm anything had never really crossed my mind in a profound way. Ever.  I mean, c’mon, lukewarm soup or a lukewarm cup of coffee or luke warm milk (YUCK) aren’t likely to leave an impression and if they do, it’s not likely to be a good one.  The word lukewarm has taken on a new meaning for me and most days, lately, it’s not meaning that’s sitting well with my soul.  There’s a passage in Revelation 3 in a letter to the church of Laodicea that’s reads this:

I know your deeds, that you are neither cold nor hot. I wish you were either one or the other!  So, because you are lukewarm—neither hot nor cold—I am about to spit you out of my mouth.

This is my Father talking here, saying that because these people of Laodicea are lukewarm for Him that He is simply going to spit them out of His mouth.  Yowza!

And so that brings me to the notion of lukewarm spit.  Being here in this seminary community while my husband navigates his way through the craziness that it brings, it would be easy to assume that we’re here at seminary because we’re on fire for Jesus.  That we’re ‘hot’.  That we’re anything but lukewarm.  The truth is, I am feeling disgustingly lukewarm these days.  The thing that bothers me the most is what that feels like to God.  I want Him to desire my presence, not spit me out!  What leaves me feeling even more yuck, is that not that long ago I could read that same passage and without hesitation say “No lukewarm spit for me!  I’m hot and I know it!”  Not to say that I couldn’t have done more to be on fire, but I was sold out for Jesus and I LOVED it!  If you’ve ever been to a youth rally, men’s conference, massive spiritual gathering or happen to be blessed to exist in a rocking spiritual community, you know the feeling that comes with being in the moment and on fire.  THERE IS NOTHING ELSE LIKE IT!  And, man do I miss it!

It would be super easy for me to list off the reasons excuses as to why my fire has dwindled, but the bottom line is that it’s me.  Yup, I’m the reason that my fire has dwindled been spit out.  Yet here’s the awesome thing:

Those whom I love I rebuke and discipline. So be earnest, and repent. Here I am! I stand at the door and knock. If anyone hears my voice and opens the door, I will come in and eat with him, and he with me.  To him who overcomes, I will give the right to sit with me on my throne, just as I overcame and sat down with my Father on his throne.

My rebuke came in Him challenging me to write this blog. To actually own up to being lukewarm.  And I don’t love it.

“Hello!  My name is Erica and I’m a lukewarm Jesus lover.”