It’s been awhile since my last post. Making time to blog while you’re elbow deep in boogers times 3 was, obviously, no easy task. However, while time has been less than abundant the thoughts that feed the blog are a different story!
As a whole, the dominating emotion as of late has been ‘frustration’. At least twice a day in our conversations, hubby and I find ourselves expressing frustration toward one thing or another…not receiving an important phone call as expected, lack of napping by the kiddos, lack of time for one another, lack of understanding as to what it takes to live (financially) and survive (emotionally) this seminary life… SO FRUSTRATING
Then last night I headed out with one of the girls and the boy at a time in the evening when I would not normally go anywhere with them. Not because I really wanted to, but because I felt this nagging sense like I really needed to go run this errand. As I was zoning to the radio, I quickly realized that being in the car then wasn’t about getting to the store. It was about getting me to hear some important lyrics that have spoken to me on more than one occasion:
There’s a time to live and a time to die, there’s a time to laugh and a time to cry… He is with you when your faith is dead…There’s a time for yes and a time for no, there’s a time to be angry and a time to let it go…
Last night, it was a slap in the face when I heard “when your faith is dead”. My faith has felt on the dead side on waaay more than one occasion during this first year of seminary. It has been hard, too hard at times, to a point where I have found myself questioning why on earth it is that we are here. And then I remember that it’s not about anything, or anyone, here on earth and the sense of calm is restored. We go on with a new sense of ‘why’ and with significantly less frustration.
On the flip side, some really amazing things are starting to come together in the most crazy, spirit led ways. That’s the good stuff! The good stuff like the girls loving their new gymnastics classes, or the awesome cloth diapering mama at EcoBuns, or even gaining confidence and resources to take the plunge into not-so-mainstream things like cloth diapering or homeschooling.
The confidence that has come from living a life of desperate dependence (as in we *still* have NO IDEA how we will be able to survive the next 2 + years financially, we only know that we were called to be here and are continuing to lay a foundation for something so much bigger than we can even comprehend) is crazy liberating. Or maybe just crazy! Either way, frustration or not, it’s good. Very happy, lacking worry and amazingly, AMAZINGLY good.